There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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