I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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