and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
