I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
