You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am naked and annoyed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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