Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
