my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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