You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
