2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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