You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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