I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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