So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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