Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
