That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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