Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry about my life...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
