Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
