i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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