k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
