another moral hangover. fuck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My vagina is very pro this idea
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
