That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
