Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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