also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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