he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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