Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
