chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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