Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
