i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
