I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
two words...techno handjob
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
