Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
