i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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