She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
