I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
