I am puke
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
