If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
