i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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