Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
