Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
