what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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