I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
