I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
