There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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