so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
