omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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