i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
