Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
