:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
