I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
