So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
