Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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