when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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