The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
