I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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